The Coming Step

Isaiah 26:3-4

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” 

Perfect peace. Wow. Perfect peace sounds like a dream, some type of fiction that I can never make come true. It’s true, honestly, I can not make perfect peace come true in my life. As a child, I raged and peace was far from my grasp. I wanted to kill myself, I wanted to die, and my thoughts were endless. Most of my life, I have battled some form of insomnia. I would sit in bed from 9 o’clock at night until 3 o’clock in the morning; my mind would not stop running. Though I am not filled with anger anymore, nor do I battle restless nights consistently, my thoughts still plague me constantly. There are days that my brain won’t shut down, and I feel helpless to the attacks of the enemy. I had a week like this a couple of weeks ago. Two of my close friends graduated, my brother is graduating college today, and my mentor got married. I couldn’t stop thinking about all that I was missing out on back home. Then of course I started thinking about my future, and the pending question of, “what in the world am I going to do when I go back to California?” People say that the future is bright, but mine is looking pretty bleak. So what do I do? How do I find peace in a world that is full of such chaos and mess? How do I find joy in a world that is full of so much pain and depression? I go. I go to the arms of my father.

The one word that God gave me for the year is come. I must come to the Lord, because God knows I can’t handle this life on my own. I was reading about the woman at the well in John 4 a few weeks ago, and I noticed something that this woman did that I am so lacking. She came to Jesus, sat and listened, and then her eyes were opened, and her soul was fulfilled. I have the answer to perfect peace, and yet it is that coming step that is just so hard. Why? Because I have blinded myself. I have become so self absorbed and consumed with my own problems, fears, insecurities, and doubts, that all I can see is me. It’s as if I am walking down a path with both of my hands covering my eyes, and Jesus is standing there with His arms stretched towards me, just waiting for me to put my hands down and find him staring right into my eyes. I have to look to Jesus, there is nothing that he has not done for me. I can’t play the ‘what if’ game in my head, and trying to figure out the plans God has for me in the future, makes me inefficient for the ministry He has for me today. So this perfect peace that seems so out of reach, is really right in my grasp, if only I would just open up my eyes. Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” God, you are a refuge for me. All you want me to do is come and sit with you, and listen to the promises you have for me. Father, help me to take that coming step, and drink deep from the fountain of living water—your words, which are life to my soul. “I can run straight into your arms, unafraid, because every time I need you, I’m met by love.” (Met by Love-United Pursuit) 

Application: I am going to write out this verse and hang it up in my closet, so that every morning when I wake up, and every night before I go to bed, I am reminded that peace truly is not far off. Though I may never have consistent peace, I have a faithful God, and if I remind myself of who He is, and what He has offered unto me, how can I not find relief in Him.