Getting Over Myself

Proverbs 9:9

“Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.”

Wisdom. Wisdom has always been something I have desired. I see people like my mom, full of wisdom and discernment, and I long to have her character. She prays about all things, and even when we were little, she would take my brothers and I on prayer walks. I always wondered how she became so wise. She has more life experience than me, but more importantly, she has prayed for a teachable spirit. If I truly examine my life, I have not been the most teachable person. Since I was a child, I have been strong willed and stubborn. I grew up with a lot of pressure and expectation to be the ‘good’ girl, and I convinced myself that I was. Often times, I felt like I had arrived, although I knew I wasn’t perfect. I became so used to hearing what a good girl I was, that I became numb to my own sin, and inevitably, I resisted the teachable spirit God longs for me to have. Simply put, I don’t like to change, because I think I am right most of the time. It is a horrible character flaw to have, but God has definitely been working on me, here in Guatemala. I have had to learn to submit to authority, people who were complete strangers, and trust that God was speaking to and through them. At first, it was really hard for me to accept their criticism and obey their requests, but I had to remind myself of a prayer that I prayed to God, months before I came here. I asked the Lord to mold me into the image of his likeness, and to transform my heart so much so, that I would be unrecognizable when I came home. It was a sincere prayer, but in my ignorance, I rejected the fact that I would actually need to change. I didn’t realize how much my hard heart needed to break. I had no idea that I resisted against God’s hand so much, and I didn’t know that I struggled so much with submission and change. But now, I see that God is setting me free, and I am finally allowing him to remove these shackles from my wrists. It is not about me being right, or ‘good enough,’ it is about being willing and obedient to the shaping of God’s hands. He knows the areas that I need to grow in, and I do not. If I allow him to do with me whatever he wills, I will flourish, and bloom into the woman he desires me to become, and I will begin to radiate my maker. Father, I pray that you would give me a teachable spirit. Help me to get over myself and realize that I do not know what is best for me, and I am not always right. Trade my head knowledge for wisdom, and make me like you, Jesus. 

Application: I will spend time today and go on a prayer walk with the Lord, asking him to remove my pride, make me teachable, and fill my heart with wisdom and understanding.