Let it Shine

I John 1:5-7

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” 

Yesterday during On the Mount, this verse became very real to me. I was thinking of my past, and the way I was raised in the church. For many years of my life, I felt like a phony; always wearing a mask. I was always told that I was such a good girl— precious, innocent, pure— but no one really knew the real Charis. They only knew what I was putting on every single day. No one knew that for the majority of my childhood, I was filled with rage and suicidal thoughts, nearly throwing myself off of my roof every week. No one knew that the more and more they told me I was ‘good’ and ‘innocent,’ the more and more insecure I became, and the more worthless I felt. I am not saying that I didn’t have a relationship with God, or that I didn’t believe in Him, but I was certainly not the girl everyone expected me to be. I had my mind made up that I would never, ever be good enough, but in hindsight, I was looking at it all wrong. My heart was so deceptive; I had no idea the unimaginable light I held inside of me. We all have it. We have all been made in the image of God, we all bear the marks of his workmanship, we all have his light within our hearts, it is just a matter of when. When are we going to let it shine? When are we going to allow God to invade our hearts and tear apart anything and everything that goes against his nature? When will we let Him expose our darkness? When will we be free, and lift the shade off of the lamp?  When will we get over ourselves, and realize that our worth comes from a life that is hidden in Christ? It is simply a matter of time. As I grew older, the weight of my sin fell off of my shoulders, and Jesus became real. One of my favorite verses  says that God is clothed in an unapproachable light, and even still He draws us near, and calls us to come to Him, every second of the day. His glory is so radiant, that I cannot even begin to walk towards it; but God, rich in love and abundant in grace, wants me to come to Him, and if I could catch a glimpse of Him, even for just a second, I wouldn’t be able to help but shine. On the margin of my bible, I found this quote: “The object of our shining is not that men may see how good we are, nor even see us at all, but that they may see grace in us and God in us and cry, “What a father these people must have!”” Jesus, may I be so wrapped up in you, that you are what people first see in me. It is not about what I can do, or how good I am. My heart is desperately wicked, and devoid of anything lovely and true, but when I let you in, and allow your light to captivate me, I am transformed and renewed into the image of your likeness. May I reflect you, radiate you, and be found in you, Father. 

During my High School graduation, I had the opportunity to speak. My entire speech was about this theme of light and darkness, and it was centered around the lyrics of my favorite song called, Emphasis. It says, “The smartest thing I have ever heard is that I don’t have all the answers, just a little light to call my own. And though it pales in comparison, to the overarching shadows, a speck of light can reignite the sun, and swallow darkness whole.” These words pierce me every time. Do I believe in the power of Christ inside me? Is the Light of the World, enough? The darkness within myself and the darkness in the world, is suffocating. I feel like I am drowning, like I am trapped in a prison, incapable of finding any way out. But have I already forgotten: “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.” “A speck of light, can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.” A spark can set a whole forest ablaze. Twenty one little fires can set twenty one forests ablaze. We all come from different backgrounds, with different struggles, but one thing we have in common that binds us together, is the light of Christ, the spark to everything. We only have this one life, and I would like to be able to say that I lived, and dwelt in the most marvelous of lights. God, may I do something bold, and something bright with the grains of sand within my hourglass of time. May I live passionately, love persistently, and never shy away from shining. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people, once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.” (1 Peter 2:9-11) 

Application: I want to dwell in the light, and have the darkness within me exposed. Today I will tell one person about past/present struggles, that I have never told anyone about. I will ask that they will hold me accountable, and from it, greater trust will be built. 

Communion with God and Men

Amos 3:3

“Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?”

For almost two weeks, my sister, Caitlyn, and I have been waking up early in the morning to go running together, and work out. In just a few weeks, IGNITE class 10 will be hiking for thirteen hours up Volcano Agua. Initially, this was mine and Caitlyn’s motivation to run, but I can tell you right now that if we were never going to hike Agua, I would still get up every morning, Monday-Saturday, to run with Caitlyn. I truly hate running, or at least I did a few weeks ago, but this discipline has united me with Cait, as well as with the Lord. The first half of my running time is dedicated to prayer for anything and everything, but during the second half, I try my hardest to shut my mind down and just listen for the voice of the Lord. I look up at the sky, and stare at the sunrise if only for a few moments, praying that God would never cease to take my breath away. It has created such sweet communion with the Lord, and I have seen his faithfulness to me, and heard his voice, in ways that I had never experienced before. I feel like I truly am running this race, hand in hand with the Lord. The cherry on top? Caitlyn is experiencing the exact same thing, and in running together, we are growing stronger. Just the other morning, God spoke to us separately about the exact same thing we had prayed for that morning. It blew my mind, but it really shouldn’t. That is simply who my God is. He is faithful, and when two people are running to his arms, they are bound to meet in a holy collision. Of course there are mornings, that I just don’t feel like getting up to run. Alright fine, every morning I battle waking up or skipping out on exercise, but then I remember that I made a covenant to my sister, and I am not going to let her run alone. Two are better than one. Two means accountability, honesty, vulnerability; and two people seeking Jesus will find him in two different, mind blowing ways. We need each other, and I can’t hep but believe that God handpicked all twenty one of us, because we needed each other at this exact moment of our lives. There have been several times where one of you have spoken to me, or bared your heart before me, and it was as if God was talking right to me. Yet again, another display of God’s steadfast faithfulness. Jesus, thank you for calling me one of your own, and for longing to commune with me. Thank you for bringing twenty strangers into my life, and making them my family. May we come to you, running with all persistence and faith, in search of you. 

Application: Tomorrow morning, Caitlyn and I are going to go outside five minutes early and sing a worship song before we start running, in order to set our mind on the Lord.

Running the Race

Luke 12:37-40

“Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. Truly I say to you, he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them. If he comes in second watch, or in the third, and finds them awake, blessed are those servants! But know this, that if the master of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have left his house to be broken into. You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”

Awake. This word sticks out to me like a sore thumb. Every morning my alarm goes off at 6 o’clock in the morning, and though my eyes are open, I can assure you that I am not awake by any means. My mind is still in fantasyland, my socks are usually inside out, and I truly am lucky to put on my clothes the right way. But when I step outside to go on my morning run, and become physically active, I feel alive. My mind starts to wake up, my eyes are opened wide, and I begin to think and pray about all kinds of things. In fact, I feel the most alive at 6:15, just as the sun peaks over Agua (one of our many volcanoes here) and illuminates the sky with a wide array of vibrant colors, frigid air racing past my face, than I do at 3 in the afternoon. I feel alive, because I am moving, running, and working hard. I am fully awake, because I am fully active and wholly dedicated to the purpose set before me. Now normally, I hate running; all I have ever been passionate about is dance. But being in a country, and in a facility, where I really cannot find the space, time, or isolation to let my creative genius go wild, running has been my outlet. When I run, I seek the Lord, I listen to worship music, I look at the divine creation that surrounds me, and God speaks to my soul. This pictures paints a striking similarity to what my life should look like as a follower of Christ. I do not want to be a Christian that resembles who I am at six a.m.: Delirious, drowsy, and barely able to get dressed. I want to be a Christian that resembles myself at 6:15, while I am running and taking in the beautiful creation around me. I need to be active in my ministry. There shouldn’t be an off switch, but so often I make a way to find one, and I shut myself down. I walk by homeless people all of the time, without giving them a second thought. I look at people as people, instead of souls who are in desperate need of a Savior, but I am called to a higher standard, that requires me to have eyes to see, and ears to hear the spiritual needs around me. I am called to be an active disciple, running the race God has set before me, in order that I might gain Christ, and be found in Him (Philippians 3:8b-9a). I need to be running in constant pursuit of knowing Jesus and making him known. Every word I speak, and every action I take has the power to turn people to Christ, or away. When I am awake, through the empowerment of the Spirit and his strength, God lives and shines in and through me. But when I am sluggish, and struggling to rise up to do the work God calls me to do, I am of no use. I forget to clothe myself in the whole armor of God, and with eyes half opened, I am bound to trip and fall. Jesus, awaken my soul, and revive my heart. I do not want to be sluggish, I want to be alive and driven by the fire you are kindling in my soul. Keep my eyes open, Father.

Application: As I was sitting here and writing this IBS, my sister, Caitlyn, was also sitting by me and writing her IBS. We, unknowingly, both began to write about our daily morning runs, and we decided to do a joint application. At the beginning and end of our race, we are going to look at each other and say, ‘ready,’ so that we do not forget that our race is never over. 

Friends Forever

John 15:15

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called friends, for all that I have heard from my father I have made known to you.”

During my first week of freshmen year, I had to meet with my counselor to set up my four year plan. I still remember running to the car, bawling my eyes out because I had no idea what classes to pick out, or what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Then Junior year came around, and college started to become the topic of every conversation. Everyone and their mother was asking me where I wanted to go, how I was going to get there, and what I wanted to do; and still I had no idea, because God had not told me yet. Then, I had a revelation and realized what I was passionate about, and God led me to the right college. I was accepted and I was confident that I would be going to Biola University, studying kinesiology, so that I could do therapy with special needs kids. But five days before move in day, God had a completely different plan and redirected my steps, leading me to apply for IGNITE instead. I can tell you with total honesty, that during those five years of my life, I was absolutely confused at what God was doing in my life. No matter how many times people directed me to Jeremiah 29:11, I, for the life of me, could not believe that God truly had a purpose and plan for me. This verse says that everything Jesus hears from God, he makes known to us, but I didn’t see that coming true in my life. As I sit here typing this IBS, however, God is revealing to me the reason why. As much as I loved the Lord, I was more concerned with the information I could get out of him about MY future, MY purpose, and MY plan, rather than seeking Him in order to gain knowledge about who he is. That is one of our human flaws, is it not? We are relational people, but we so often look at relationships as, ‘What can I get out of this? What are you going to give to me?’ And when it comes to God, we picture him as someone far off, too out of reach, and too vast to ever understand. That is the way I pictured God only six months ago, when MY plans for MY life were not working out. But they weren’t working out because MY plans did not align with the Lord’s, and I was not praying for God’s will to be done, I was simply praying that what I wanted would work out. I had the opportunity to give a speech at my high school graduation, and I remember encouraging my classmates to live passionately, and be okay with not knowing. I have to laugh at that, because I clearly had no idea what was to come in my life. But Isaiah 55:6, 8-9 says, “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near…For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  There will never be a time in my life, where I can for-see God’s actions, but that should be my motivation to pursue Him with even greater passion and persistence. I will never, ever be able to comprehend the vast mystery of the Lord, but He is always calling me to come. To come and lean into his love, rest in his grace, and discover the depths of his being. He longs for me to know him deeply, just as he has intimately known me since before I was born. Jesus says that he doesn’t call us servants anymore, but friends. I am a daughter of Jesus, adopted into the fold and given his holy spirit to lead me, and I am a friend of the Son of the Most High God! I may not always know what He is doing, but I do know who he is, and he is always speaking to me. He sings through the birds, dances in the leave rustling breeze, rages and rolls with the tide, and shines through rays of light. He surrounds me, engulfs me, and captivates me, but it is my choice to listen, or not. Hosea 6:3 says, “Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” Jesus, I will press on to know you as my father, my shepherd, and as my very best friend. 

Application: Today, I will write in my journal, who God is to me, and all of the attributes I can think of, that so perfectly describe what a loving Father, and precious friend, he is. 

Be Okay With not Knowing

Matthew 20:26-28

“It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

When I think of someone in my life who has revealed to me the image of a servant, I automatically think of my mom. For as long as I have been alive, she has been a woman of humility and great grace. In the morning, she would run on the treadmill with a list of names in front of her, praying for their specific needs. Other days, she would take me to my grandmas house, and I would paint my grandma’s nails while my mom cleaned her house. Recently, I remember having a conversation with my mom about servanthood. We were at our church’s women's conference, and my mom signed up to clean the bathrooms, yet again. It always baffled me. Why did my mom always, always sign up to clean toilets, at the expense of listening to the wonderful bible studies? That’s a rookie’s job anyways, shouldn’t one of the younger leaders be doing it? But my mom, in all of her wisdom, reminded me that there is no job too low for her to do; she is not above anything. Often times she would recruit other ladies to help her, by telling them how fun it would be, letting out a sweet little, “Woohoo!” at the end. I felt so convicted. Who am I to stoop down low, get some dirt on my knees, and wipe down some toilets? I am nothing! I am not above anyone, and I am certainly not too good to do “the least of these” kind of jobs. Have I forgotten, once again, who my Savior is? Have I forgotten how he lived his life? Jesus came to this earth, knowing full well that he would sacrifice his life, for the sake of the world. He knew that the people he was saving and healing, would just as quickly turn their backs on him, and yell, “Crucify Him, Crucify Him!” And he of course knew, that his very own disciples, the ones whom his soul so deeply loved, would flee from his presence, and even deny him. Yes, he came to earth knowing exactly how his story would play out, but he loved, and he loved, and he loved, even still. How much more should I love the people God places in my life? In Guatemala, it is so much easier to have compassion on the poor and needy, but in America, I walk by homeless people in front of the grocery store, begging for money, and I don’t even give them a second thought. How sad! Why do I do this? Why do I pick and choose who I love, and who I serve? Because I walk through this life in submission to my flesh, with my will guiding my every step. I don't live this spirit filled life, Jesus asks us to live. I don’t want to give up my comfort, for the sake of serving someone else. But I have to fight this mentality that so often rules my life. May the life of Jesus and his ministry on earth, give me the motivation to live and serve beyond myself, relying on the strength of Jesus to guide my every step. 

Application: As I noted above, I really do not enjoy cleaning, especially cleaning bathrooms. This Saturday, I will clean our entire bathroom until it is sparkling clean, with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. 

Get Up and Get Dressed

Luke 17:7-10

“Will any one of you who  has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the  field, ‘Come at once and recline at the table?’ Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink , and afterward you will eat and drink?’ Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants, we have only done what was our duty.”

IBS have been a real struggle for me lately. I stare blankly at these verses, wanting to get the task done, rather than allow the Lord to take his time and speak through me. I hear how some of you guys write, and how the Lord speaks so profoundly to you, and I allow it to discourage me and keep from speaking up. I wonder why God doesn’t give me such pretty words to say, but he does and he will if I take Charis out of the equation and simply let God do his thing. Jesus, give me the words to say, and the courage to say them. 

The big thing that really stuck out to me in this passage is the verse that says, “Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink.’” Dress properly and serve me. I grew up dancing at the same studio from the time I was six, until I was eighteen. Over the course of twelve years, I became pretty acquainted with dress codes. We had to wear certain outfits and specific shoes that would get our job done the most effectively, efficiently, and gracefully of course. Often times, because our studio was smaller than most, I would be in twelve out of the twenty four dance numbers, and I had quick changes. Over the years I was able to change my entire costume—dress, tights, shoes, and hair—in two minutes flat, but only because I had the goal in mind. I knew what I was dressing for, and I was so eager to get back out on the stage and fulfill the passion of my soul. I knew that if I was in the right attire, I would be able to dance at my maximum capacity, and share a story that might captivate the audience, and hopefully give them a glimpse of God’s love and beauty. I want to be this way in my walk with the Lord; willing, and obedient, knowing the ultimate goal in mind—to know Christ and make him known. I want the same passion I had in dance, to dress quickly so I could get back onstage as soon as possible, to be the same passion I have for the Lord. But the thing is, with God I don’t have twelve quick changes, I have one work to accomplish, and one dance to complete; me and Jesus, always and forever. I know most of you can’t really relate with this, so here is Jeremiah 1:17 to give you a better picture: “But you, dress yourself for work; arise and say to them everything that I command you. Do not be dismayed by them, lest I dismay you before them.” Every day when I wake up, my first thoughts are about me. I think about what I am going to wear, how I need to make the bed, and how I need to hurry up so I can go run with Caitlyn and get fit. Jesus is not at the forefront of my mind. It is not: Lord, I give you my day to do with it whatever you please, but rather: Lord, here are all of the things I need to get done today, please don’t bother me too much. I dress myself for my work, but I do not dress properly to serve as the Lord has called me. Ephesians 6:11 says, “Put on the whole armor of God, that you might be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” The whole armor of God— the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, sword of the spirit, and the gospel for our feet—leaving not one area of our lives unchecked. Jesus, help me not to forget about you. In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus. And every moment in between, may you be the heartbeat of every thing I do. May I not sit by passively, or resist your spirit. I am not called to idly stand by and wait for the you to do all of the work for me, you call me to rise up and walk, to rise up and dress myself for service. But it is not in my own strength, certainly not. Nor is it in my own righteousness. I am a filthy sinner, so desperately in need of my savior. But it is by your strength, and your power. You strip me of my unrighteousness, invade my heart to make it pure, and clothe me in beauty, a garment of praise. I am clothed in righteousness. I am new. I am whole.

Application: I truly hate reading my IBS’s out loud, and I always resist God when he tells me to read mine out loud. So today, I will be one of the first ones to read my IBS out loud. After all, a big part of dressing yourself for work, is stepping out of your comfort zone.

Come to Me

John 12:26

“If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.”

The past week, God has been impressing on my heart, the idea of following, or coming to God. Before the disciples could be of any effective use to the Lord, they had to come as Jesus called. Mark 3:13 says, “And he went up on the mountain and called to him those whom he desired, and they came to him.” I think it is interesting that Jesus went up on a mountain to call his disciples. If we are not spiritually healthy, and seeking the higher calling of the Lord, we will not be able to accomplish that perfect will Jesus has for us. That does not mean that God can’t use us if we fall or experience valley lows, because we are all broken, sinful people, but he desires to use people who desire to know him, and love him more passionately than the day before. After all, we cannot grow or be molded into the image of God, unless we submit to the shaping of his hands. And when we are willing to submit, is when God takes the useless, broken, vessel, and transforms them into something of surpassing beauty. Matthew 16:24, a verse that we know so well here at IGNITE, says, “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” The first step is to come. Jesus is always, always talking to his children. He constantly is calling us, in his sweet, tender whisper, to come. Throughout Jesus’ ministry on earth, he often said the word, “come,” before he healed and saved anybody. To the man with the withered hand, in Mark chapter three, Jesus simply called, “Come here.” In Matthew 9:14, Jesus says, “Let the little children come to me…” And in Matthew 14:29, when Peter walks on water, Jesus again asks him to come. Nothing more, and nothing less, all our Savior desires is for us to come as he has called. Coming is the first step, and so often it is the hardest. I have never been one to come to people with my problems, or desires. I usually just let everything sit inside of me, until someone comes to me and breaks down my walls. But our relationship with God is the complete opposite. If we truly desire a relationship with God, we must come and allow him to invade the depths of our hearts, and fill us to overflow with his spirit. Then we can pursue, strive, and run towards great heights with the Lord. Isaiah 6:8 says, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” He is calling all of us. There is no one perfect, anointed, human being on this earth. Jesus simply wants the willing. Those who are willing to give up their rights for the sake of Christ, and become a servant to all people, just as Jesus was to us. And when we come, and let God in, people start to recognize Him in and through us, and God moves and works in people’s hearts, in ways we cannot imagine or explain. That is the kind of life, I long to live. Lord, when people see me, may they see you; when they get to know me, may they get to know you. Teach me how to love, teach me how to submit, and teach me how to serve.

Application: Because I have such a hard time coming to the Lord, and I get caught up in my mind and thoughts, Nicole is holding me accountable, and will check up on me when I am looking lonely, and point me to Jesus.